Flight 29 Down: The Big Hair Version
by Jessieebee
Summary: A shameless parody of everyone's favorite Lost-for-kids-but-not-really TV show. Please R&R, flames welcomed.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: **In which Daley finds out some bad news, Taylor loses her job, and Nathan is very, very confused.

* * *

"Nathan, I have bad news." Daley said upon entering. Her eyes were red and make-up smeared, and her hands were hiding something behind her back.

"What is it?" he asked, concern rising in his voice.

"I...honey, it turned pink!"

"What did? The pregnancy test?"

"Yeah! It turned pink...and then it jumped out of my hands and danced around the room and told me I was...pregnant!" Daley sunk down onto the couch and cried.

"Daley, don't cry! This is great news! I'll help you get through this, I promise. In fact, because this is such great news, I'm going to tell all of our friends about it."

Nathan got in the car and drove off. He decided to call each of their friends and meet them to tell them the great news in person. And, of course, the island gang had never, ever met _anyone_ besides eachother in all the years since they were rescued, so he decided to start with Taylor.

--

Taylor was probably the one who had gotten the most money out of her experience; she became famous after the ordeal and grew up to be a successful model. As soon as Nathan set out she was at a photoshoot for one of the hottest teen magazines in town. It was fun work, but she was having a little trouble with the photographer. He didn't seem to think her hair was big enough.

"Taylor, face me more, perfect. Put more fan on her hair, Tony!" he yelled to the fan operator. But every way Taylor twisted and turned under his direction, her hair just wasn't big enough. And her mind wasn't exactly on her work since Nathan had called her a few minutes ago. He said he had huge news and he wanted to tell her in person. She was just about to jump off the platform and punch the photographer in the face when she heard the stage door behind her opening.

"Excuse me!" she said enthusiastically. She jumped down the stage and ran to meet Nathan, completely forgetting she was wearing a slightly less-than-conservative bikini.

"Nathan! What did you want to tell me?" She grabbed his hand and led him to the stage seats.

"Well...it's about Daley."

"Uh-huh."

"She's..."

"_Just who_ is this lovely young man?" the photographer suddenly exclaimed. He practically leaped over to where Nathan and Taylor were sitting. "_Cher garçon_, have you ever done any _modelling_?"

Taylor was shocked. The photographer was amazed at Nathan's multitudes and multitudes of hair.

"That's it, Nathan, I don't care about what you have to tell me! If all you came here to do was steal my job...then I don't ever want to _see you again_!" Poor bikini-clad Taylor ran blindly outside, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"_Fou fille_." the photographer said underneath his breath. He then turned to Nathan, whose mouth was wide open. "Now then, my dear, are you ready to change?" he said, holding out a bikini on a hanger, identical to Taylor's.

* * *

I know, it's confusing, but I'll update fast. It might not be that funny now, but I have big plans here.

**Next chapter: **In which Daley does something bad, Nathan seeks out Eric, and Taylor is thrown in the path of danger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: **In which Taylor meets her doom, Daley inflates, and Jackson plummets into addiction.

* * *

Taylor took out her frustration over losing her job by pounding the pavement furiously.

"Did I just lose my job? _Me_? No. How could he fire _me_? Taylor? Taylor Hagan? The model extrordinaire? Did he? Fire? _Me!?"_

She was repeating those questions over and over, getting madder each time. She was so distracted with creating a symphony of stacatto questions and crashing, booming heels on the pavement that she didn't notice she wasn't walking in a straight line anymore. It wasn't just clumsiness, because Taylor _never_ stumbles or trips, it is simply a disease she has that prevents her from walking in a straight line. In fact, if she doesn't keep both eyes on the sidewalk in front of her at all times, she It's quite difficult for her to walk down the catwalk, as you can imagine. Anyway, during her storm of temper over what had just occured her eyes were anywhere but the ground, and so she veered into traffic without another thought.

All she remembers is seeing the bright flashing headlights, hearing the screech of tires, and feeling intense pain before everything went black.

She barely remembers seeing the world spin and laying on the ground, seeing the imploring face of a random driver above her.

"Lady, are you crazy?" His voice bounced around inside her head. "You just got hit! You're bleeding! Hellooooo?"

She saw black shadows at the edges of her eyes, and all she remembers is whispering, "Me? Taylor? H-Hagan? _Hit?_" before she finally passed out.

--

Nathan had no idea how he got away from that crazy photographer; in fact, how did he know so much French? Or...any? And so many _curse words?_ He chalked it up to the magic of being an adult and having lots of hair before leaving the studio through the front door.

Now then, off to see Jackson.

--

It was several hours before Daley was able to stop crying. Now she was laying on the couch and sniffling. She knew Nathan was behind her 100, but she didn't feel like any good could come of this. She sat up quickly and felt a peculiar sensation come over her; before she knew it she was off the couch and headed for the kitchen. She felt a strange out-of-body sensation as she opened the fridge against her will. What was that she was muttering? "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate..." _Wow, this pregnancy thing is already setting in..._ She looked down in dismay at her growing belly, which was actually quite big even though she found out she was the big P just this morning.

Despite the insane speed with which her belly inflated, as she mindlessly ingested giant lumps of chocolate ice cream with her hands, Daley thought _We have a long, long road ahead of us_.

--

Nathan arrived at the address Information told him was Jackson's. It certainly didn't look like what he'd expected; but, then again, he never liked Jackson and had always secretly wished he would grow up to live in a dump, so he wasn't all that weirded out anyway. In fact, he whistled a bit too extravagantly. As he walked up to the barred door, rats scurried underfoot. He rang the out-of-order buzzer and decided to enter the decaying building after thirty-seconds into Zippidy-Doo-Dah. What he found didn't exactly surprise him, but nevertheless his jaw dropped open.

The apartment was pretty empty except for the basic, bare furniture; a leaky fridge and sink, a tattered couch and mattress, an out-of-order television, and a good many rats, of course. They grew them around here.

Now was the moment Nathan realized he should have called before coming...not that Jackson would have cared enough to freshen up or anything. He had declined drasically after the island experience. And no, not THE island experience, the OTHER one. The one when he went to Disney Island Adventure and had a very tragic run-in with Island Goofy. Very traumatic, you know. He was now _of course_ an alchoholic and an addict. A very bad case of addiction to very bad music. In fact he was at the precise second Nathan arrived listening to a soundtrack from the Tommy Spanos show, which, as you _must_ know, was recently featured on BadMusic . com. Tragic addiction, it really was.

"J...Jackson?" Nathan asked hesitantly.

The wreck sitting in the middle of the floor did not react.

"Um...it's...Natha..." Nathan trailed off into embarassed silence. He crossed the room and ran his hand through his hair, the multitudes of which caught the very little light in the apartment and managed to somehow glitter and spark...oh, never mind.

"Um...well, I came here because I'm telling all our f...friends..." He was reluctant to address this drunken mess as a friend. "...that Daley..."

Jackson looked up, and Nathan flinched.

"...is...well, she's kind of pregnant."

With those six words a miracle happened. It was slow at first, all Jackson did was take out his inexplicably expensive iPod earphones, turn off the Spanos show music, and jump up.

"Is she OK? When did this happen? Are you two married? How can I help?"

Just like that, the drunkeness had dissapeared an in its place was concern.

"W-wow..." was all Nathan could say.

* * *

Just a note: the Tommy Spanos was a real band that can be read about at Bad Music . com, which is a real site. ;)

Coming up:

**Chapter Three: **In which Taylor finds out a horrible truth, Daley hatches a plan, and Nathan and Jackson set off to find Eric.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**: In which Taylor wakes up, Lex meets his demise, and Jackson experiences a chance encounter.

* * *

Nathan and Jackson sped out the door in search of the next person to hear the news, Eric. But on the way, Jackson, who, as you know, is now miraculously cured of his achoholism and addiction by sheer concern for Daley, suggested that they should visit Lex next. He was, after all, Daley's step-brother. So they reversed the car and set out in the direction of

AUTHOR'S NOTE

It seems a very important thing has slipped my mind. Lex is absolutely _not_ going to make an appearance in this story because he is a child and has certainly not grown up over the years and gained _any_ prominence in this fandom. Long story short, Lex is absolutely not allowed to make an appearance in this fic. Just to make sure of this, however, I will now kill him. Hold on, this won't take long.

Done!

END AUTHOR'S NOTE

"But wait..." Nathan cut in as Jackson made the U-Turn. Yes, he was driving Nathan's car, he's not drunk anymore, remember!? "Lex is dead. He died in that mysterious fire that jumped out of his computer, remember?"

"Oh...right! OK, I guess we'll just go see Eric."

--

"Miss...uh...Hagan, is it? Miss Hagan?" Taylor could dimly hear an annoying nasal voice right next to her ear. _Why is he shouting?_ she wondered dimly. She blinked a few times and saw above her the blurry image of a very ugly doctor. Remember, we must keep in mind that everyone looks ugly to models.

"What do you want?" Taylor tried to say. Only she couldn't exactly control her mouth very well due to the huge amount of anesthetic pumped into her, so it came out something like "Mmmmmmuuu wmmmannnt?"

"Miss Hagan, we have some bad news." The doctor blushed. "It appears you...we...I'm sorry, Miss Hagan, but we had to amputate your arm."

Suddenly Taylor's vision cleared. She bolted up. "What the hell? Amputated? Arm? Miss? _Hagan?_" She began to sob.

"D-don't cry, Taylor." said a familiar voice. Taylor looked over to see Melissa standing in the doorway.

"Melissa? What are you doing here?" Taylor asked bitterly and sniffled. "How did you know I was in the hospital?"

"I...I didn't really. My Taylor-senses were tingling." Since good-ole-Mel was such a kind-hearted person that liked to keep people together, she twitched and an alarm went off in her head whenever any of the island gang was in distress.

"Oh. Well, thanks for coming, I guess."

Melissa started to answer, but then her left eye started spazzing out and she winced. "S...sorry, I think Eric got a paper cut."

"Freak." Taylor muttered under her breath. Then she remembered what Melissa had said. Paper cut...suddenly, it all hit Taylor Hagan, supermodel extrordinaire: her arm was cut off.

She began to sob once more.

--

When Nathan and Jackson arrived at Eric's residence, it was clear he wasn't home. The door was open, and so was the garage, so it was clear Eric had left in a hurry. They entered the house nonetheless and Nathan began to look around.

"Hey, Nathan, check this out," Jackson said. Nathan found him in the kitchen listening to Eric's answering machine. Nathan was about to reprimand him for listening to it when he heard what the message said.

It was Melissa, informing Eric to come right away because Taylor was in the hospital.

--

On the drive over to the hospital, Jackson let Nathan drive. He was concerned for Taylor, but for some reason his mind wouldn't leave Daley. Yes, I am subtly hinting at Jackson/Daley romance. You see, this ship exists even though there have been _no_ hints at it in the show whatsoever; but I am such an amazing author I can totally pull it off while keeping drunk, addict Jackson and paranoid, pregnant Daley in-character, also while single-handendly killing Lex. Yay for me!

He knew it was wrong to think of her this way, he was sitting next to her spouse, but she was just so amazing and compassionate and not bossy or mean at _all_. And plus she had an amazing...um, sense of humor. Yeah, she was a funny girl.

They pulled up to the hospital and ran inside. Jackson and Nathan were both worried about Taylor, so worried that they didn't check in with the front desk or even stop to worry about certain death in the parking lot.

They sprinted down the hallway and leaped over several gurneys before reaching Taylor's room. Even through is worry about Taylor and his recent recovery from despair, Jackson couldn't help wondering about Daley once again.

That is, until he opened the door, walked inside Taylor's hospital room...

...and layed eyes on Melissa.

* * *

Hee hee. Coming up:

**Chapter 4:** In which MxJ thrives, Taylor comes to terms with her new injury, and Daley suffers badly.


End file.
